When I started my blog in May of this year, Rob gave me wise advice: “Don’t blog everything at once, or you’ll run out of stuff to talk about.” So I’ve tried to keep track of everything that is going on and spread it out over time, but it’s hard keeping everything straight. For the most part I’ve done a good job, but this whole embryo adoption part of this blog has gotten confusing! When should I discuss what? Should I talk about this first or that?
I “met” our donor Summer Roger on June 17 and didn’t bring her up on the blog until August 8. I’m glad that I gave myself that time to get to know her and be sure that’s what we were doing before I “announced” it. The downside of that is at this point I’m so far behind it’s hard to catch up with all that has transpired, but I’ll try.
The week I met Summer was the same week our Miracles Waiting (embryo matching site) profile went live. I posted the picture and link from our profile on my Instagram as well, and we waited. I had mentioned in a previous post that I was really discouraged with Miracles Waiting and the donors listed, so that was half the reason I posted on social media as well. The other half of the reason was I saw another couple do it with GREAT success. My prayer was that God would send the perfect couple our way and that they would contact me.
After just THREE days, our donor, Summer, contacted me on Instagram and asked the simplest of questions “open or closed adoption?” I was open to both so it was truly going to be the donor’s decision. We spent the whole evening hashing out what we were looking for. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was incredibly disappointed when I found out that she was pregnant with twins. That wasn’t the disappointing news, it was that she wasn’t due until the beginning of December. Besides that, Summer was looking for someone to adopt her embryos, but she wasn’t going to be able to donate them until her twins were born.
Gut punch. “I just want this to happen already!” and “I’m tired of waiting!” were the thoughts going through my head. I contemplated this news while Summer and I continued to talk. I feel like God spoke and said, “Waiting is hard, but it will be worth it for the right match.” So I pushed my wants aside and focused on the fact that waiting was the right thing to do. And ironically enough, I had just started a Bible study all about waiting.
Summer and I have spent the last couple months talking, sharing, and learning about each other. I believe this is a God-ordained match because this could not have worked out more perfectly. Our conversation comes naturally, we are so similar, and she’s become one of my best friends. Even though the match has been easy, other things haven’t. We got another gut punch, “why can’t anything be easy?” moment in July when one of Summer’s twins (June) was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect. While obviously much, much worse for Summer and her husband, Mason, it also made us think about our decision as well. Would our children potentially have the same problem? Rob and I discussed and prayed and decided that we can’t move on and that these embryos are meant for us. It’s likely not a chromosomal defect so that’s good for us, but it’s still heartbreaking for Summer and Mason.
The sting of the congenital heart defect has worn off for the most part for me, and God has continued to give peace to us while we move forward in our adoption discussion. <— That is so huge because I’m a horrible decision maker. I wish I could take it away and make it better for Summer and Mason too, but I can’t.
Going forward the time table looks somewhat like this, but is probably going to change. November/December 2016- twins to be born
December 2016- finalize donation/adoption, establish “patient-ship” at The Fertility Center in Arizona
January 2017- HOPEFULLY travel to Arizona for frozen embryo transfer.
By the time I actually post this, I’m sure our timeline will look a little different but I’ll keep you updated!